I know, I know. If I complain about being able to take early retirement that would make me the worst human. So go ahead and tut, shake your heads in disgust.

The thing is though. I didn’t leave my job in a particularly positive frame of mind and it wasn’t intentional to leave that soon. I left because of stress, which mentally left me in a bad place. Initially the relief at not working kicked in. I was hyper, happy and giddy all at once. Then the realisation sinks in that you can do your beloved sports training whenever you want, go on longer walks and even take up yoga. It’s all great.

Shortly after this phase another feeling started to kick in. I couldn’t quite place it at first. It felt like – sadness. This week it really hit me. I have no current intellectual purpose. My life is full of sport, friends and in general selfish enterprises. At some point this doesn’t feel quite so fulfilling. What am I useful for? Am I needed for anything? Where did my brain go?

Funnily enough this new phase of mental and emotional indulgence has co-incided with some really tight hip flexors (muscles in your hip that enable you to pick up the leg towards the body – providing strength and flexibility in your hip area). It’s not uncommon for me to get tight hip flexors so I kind of know the score. Take a day or two of rest; cross train for a while and start (or rather restart) looking at hip flexor stretches and strengthening exercises. Also increase the glute strength work as this helps (buttock muscles).

At the beginning of the week I went swimming for the first time in many months. It was great and I loved it. The only downside was that I didn’t realise what time they closed the lanes so only swam for 35 minutes before I was thrown out unceremoniously by someone who looked about 14. She must of been older. It’s a sign of age isn’t it, when everyone looks so young.

The next day I went out on my mountain bike. This brought on my usual bike anxiety (even though I find mountain biking a lot less scary than road biking). I’m glad I made myself go though with it. As always I felt so much better for pushing myself out of the door and conquering my mini fear (well for that occasion anyway).

Outside of the above, there were some strength workouts (including with my PT; although this was a workout together as mates). I managed two runs including one with hubs. We ran well and covered a decent amount of elevation even though the run was much shorter than I had on the dreaded ‘training plan’. Finally today I went out on a short but beautiful walk. It involved taking a train to Chinley and then another back from New Mills so it was quite time costly, despite it only being a 10km walk. I wanted to do this route, however, as its not only very steep at the beginning (which weirdly I love) but has stunning vistas at the top of the third hill (its one of those walks where you keep thinking you’ve hit the top only to see another brow ahead).

So back to the ‘blues’. I was in a proper funk when I woke up this morning (as I have been on and off all this week). Following the climb to the crest of the hill, I felt joyous again. It’s amazing how uplifting just being outdoors is.

In the longer term, however, I need to find something else to occupy my mind. I’m not sure what it will be yet. Maybe a paid job, maybe voluntary work. Maybe something else. I’d always thought I would take most of this year off, whatever happened. So we will see. Yes I know this makes me incredibly lucky and I’m massively aware of how blessed I am. Still. The need to rewake the brain and have a sense of purpose is there. I think it’s natural and instinctive. Until I can come up with something better, I’ve decided to redecorate our kitchen. 🤔